The truth about overcoming Approach Anxiety

Seen any attractive Women lately?
Spoke to all of them, did you? Didn’t think so….. OH NO! – you’ve got “Approach anxiety!!!” Guess what – your dating life is not going to be what you want it to be.
Look, I’m not going to bullshit you.
YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELF SORTED!
If you’re really worried SO much about the social consequences of your actions that this prevents you from doing what you want to do – you’re going to suffer endlessly in the long run. Whether it’s worrying about what women think of you, whether she’ll reject you, judge you, think you’re weird- or worrying about what other people may think about your behaviour – taking heed of any type of feedback other than your own is going to sabotage every opportunity for success you get in life.
By Succumbing to this irrational fear, you are destroying your god-given, natural ability to do WHATEVER it is in life you want to do – including approaching the women you biologically are here to breed with.

HOW DO WE DEFEAT APPROACH ANXIETY?

There’s probably a few ways. I’m going to exclude psychotherapy because – frankly – it’s bull-shit. I’ve never met anyone that’s been cured by a psychologist in my whole life.
Hypnosis? HA! I don’t think so. What else could work? Exposure therapy? Doing hundreds or thousands of approaches until you stop caring? Sure that works – in fact, that’s how I removed my own AA. But guess what – that took MONTHS of going out for 16 hours a day and approaching. And still – sometimes – the fear cam back! So, that’s not the answer either.
For the purposes of this article – I’m going to focus on what I believe are the 2 key points.

STEP ONE – CONCIOUS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Yep – you’ve got to fully and consciously acknowledge that approach anxiety is illogical, irrational, and ridiculous.
Upon realizing this: You must replace your dependence on other people’s approval with your own.

You should not, and must not base your actions on the opinion of others. It’s madness. If you’re willing not to approach women because someone may disapprove, where else will you succumb to the social pressures of your fellow man?

You’re hungry – but if you eat, someone might think you’re gluttonus. So… let’s not ever eat anything again and starve to death – how about that?

Hey – you like that brand new, expensive Hugo Boss shirt? Yeah? Well if you spend a lot of money on it, someone might think you’re trying too hard to look cool. So don’t buy any nice clothes. Just walk around wearing shitty clothes all the time – just so nobody gets the wrong idea.

You need to shit – but someone may think you’re dirty… Let’s all just sew up our assholes and explode, shall we?

Where do you draw the line? I say – right where it is in this very moment. The line must be drawn here!

You must recognize that if this is an issue for you that you need to condition yourself, over time – to stop giving a fuck about what people think about you. In the end: It will destroy you.

PART TWO: The second part is to completely remove our fear of of being judged by others

The other day I went out to the shops wearing my black manwhoreTM track pants, brooks blue running shoes, and really crazy red furry jacket. No particular reason – just to wind up the locals really. It’s funny how hard people try and not look. U can see them trying so hard on their face. Awesome sauce.

Also, the very next day I went to Bikram (heated) yoga with PartyPony. On the way back from Yoga, me and Partypony wore just our underpants and funny t-shirts. Well, I wore a funny t-shirt, and partypony wear a black shirt as usual. Classy.
Why did I decide to put us through this kind of humiliation and shame?
It was fun, and forced us to focus on what WE though was amusing – not other people’s ideas of what was “acceptable.”
Now, here’s the thing. To me, these things were neither difficult, or out of the ordinary. I have totally conditioned myself not to be affected by any forms of social pressure whatsoever. I’m aware they are there – but it’s just a game to me. I want to see what types of reactions I can get out of people. My awareness of social pressure just feeds my ability to manipulate other people’s reactions to ME – herby maximizing my own enjoyment (as Marcus refers to it) of the cringe.
So not only was it NOT ackward for me – I enjoyed it. I like making other people squirm. It’s fun :)

The key is to live your life in a way that is – purposefully – uncomfortable. Every time to see a situation that could end up being uncomfortable for you – don’t shy away from It – JUMP INTO IT! If you’re in a large line-up, (at some shop – or maybe even the airport) and the people ahead of you move up….. don’t move up. Just stand your ground and listen to the sounds of annoyance behind you. When pressed, act stupid – “oh sorry!” and move up.

Other examples: Be loud where other people are quiet. If you’re in a library, start greeting and saying “HEY!” to everyone really LOUDLY. IF told to hush, say “oh sorry!” … then a few moments later… “HOW ARE YOU??” …. Oops sorry. See how many times you can do this until you get asked to leave. Upon being asked to leave – ask to speak to whoever’s in charge – or to fill out a complaint form. Be a dick – in a fun way.
Often on my bootcamps, I’ll have people mess with employees in Burger joints. Here’s the script for one of my classics (this is taken direct out of my i-phone APP – which launches soon)

CONFUSED CUSTOMER:
Walk into a Burger King – and try and order a Big Mac Combo. Insist on getting one no matter what they tell you. Hold your ground to the bitter end. Ben confused and frustrated. Throw in lines like:

“Is this fun for you, winding me up like this?”
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I saw the AD on T.V – I know you have Big Mac’s back there, and I want one RIGHT NOW!!!”
—Don’t stop until insisting until either the manager is called and/or you’re asked to leave the store :)
—–Funny line to end on is “Fine, I accept you don’t have big macs. But why can’t you just send someone to big one up, then sell it to me? THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!” as you storm off.
Alternatively, sometimes I’ll say “FINE! I’ll just go to Mcdonalds where they GIVE A SHIT!!!”
YES, IT’S HILARIOUS! The key is to adopt the minset of an angry customer – to convince yourself that YOU are right and they are WRONG – and to act according to this belief system until the end – usually when you’re thrown out of the establishment. As an aside, this is a good not only for the obliteration of your ego – it’s also a great exercise in frame control.

You may be thinking “how is being a dick relevant to my skills with the ladies??? I would argue, it’s literally the most important factor when it comes to your success as a seducer of women. At least, if you still suffer from approach anxiety.

Here’s why:

You are, essentially being a dick – on purpose.

You’re winding people up.

You’re BEING JUDGED.

You’re CHALLENGING YOUR LITTLE ASSHOLE EGO MONSTER…..

GOOD!!! CHALLENGE THAT MOTHERFUCKER! KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!

You have to learn to CONTROL the ego best – or he’ll control you!
If you get through whatever the exercise is, and you’re still alive at the end… you’ve just won a round with your ego. If you can get to the point where you ENJOY making other people squirm – you’ll beat your ego down REALLY fast. You’ll just stop giving a fuck what people think.
And – guess what happens to your “Approach anxiety” when you stop caring about the opinions of others?
It dies.
I don’t mean it goes away for a while, or fades.
I mean – it dies. I’ve killed that son of a bitch, in HUNDREDS of guys all over the globe. I do it every weekend. It’s like a game for me.
But guess what….. what I just described is the EASY PART … the tough work comes after you start meeting all limitless girls…… but that’s definitely – another article!

Ultimately, no matter what anyone tells you – pushing of social boundaries, challenging social pressure, and crushing your ego so that you DO NOT GIVE A FUCK – is the only tried and tested method to wipe out your AA.
There’s no magic trick to this; You need to actively find social situations that challenge you, put yourself in them – and PUSH THROUGH THEM!
From clapping loudly when the plane lands (A Sasha Classic!), to wearing silly outfits, to asking for a girls number then tripping over yourself and falling over (Marcus) – MAKE A COMPLETE IDIOT OF YOURSELF –AND ENJOY IT :)
Fell the pain.
They’re judging you.
They think you’re weird.
Think think you’re an asshole.
Good!
DEAL WITH IT. Be OK with the pain. LET THEM ENJOY LAUGHING AT YOU. BE THE BRUNT OF THE JOKE. Are you really going to let a bunch of random people dictate to you how YOU are going to feel about yourself? Only you can be in charge of shaping your reality. You’re either confronting / re-shaping your fears – or you’re succumbing to them. You’re either growing as a man, or shrinking. There is no middle ground.

**Side note: The irony is, by letting people laugh at you – you’re actually making their day. You’re giving them something to talk about. You’re doing them a HUGe favour that is alleviating the boredom that is their life.

So – stop being a bitch, and start pushing your boundaries. At an advanced level, you’ll be able to re-frame social awkwardness as fun, and therefore become addicted to making other people feel uncomfortable. This is complete social freedom and will allow you – quite literally – do whatever the hell you want. Only when you flip your “fear” on it’s head and turn it into “enjoyment” will you truly be free to act, say, and approach whoever you please.

No fear = No Approach anxiety = Lots of women in your life!

That’s the next level – and I urge you all to take the steps you need in order to get there :)
Anyone that thinks this whole article is a wind-up get you all to do crazy shit knows me well –but in this case they would be mistaken. The proof is in the pudding, as they say. Check out the reviews section of my website http://sashapua.com/reviews/ to get an idea of just what is possible….

P.S

Big credit goes to Marcus for this article as much of it was inspired by his experience, mindsets, and years of friendship. Also, by his BALLS OF STEEL :)
Marcus is the only other guy I know that is a true master of challenging social pressure – check out his website if you want to learn more about him. Marcus and I developed this technology together, and I’ll be giving away a bunch of our hilarious social anxiety busting exercises in my i-phone app, which launches soon.

14 Responses to “The truth about overcoming Approach Anxiety”

  1. I think Im suffering from AA & I want to change this. Pls help me.

  2. shubham on August 1st, 2012 at 12:16 pm
  3. I just did. What more do u want…. ??? ;)

  4. sasha on August 5th, 2012 at 2:27 am
  5. sasha i love your balls man

  6. Hasan on August 16th, 2012 at 12:59 am
  7. hey d00d. When you start pushing and challenging social pressure, It’s kinda the same thing as AA in start. I was going to try to stare at some ppl through window till they squirm or i laugh as u recommended, but it felt so weird doing it i couldnt do it. Kinda felt same as aa. Any tips for this? Just do it, or can u somehow use some technique or method that makes u push ur self?

  8. warriah on August 25th, 2012 at 3:34 pm
  9. The method is what I’ve just described!! If you want MORE detail, hire my ass for a 1:1 skype call ;)

  10. sasha on September 9th, 2012 at 2:13 am
  11. I am in the process of hiring you but you aint answering me on facebook!

  12. warriah on September 9th, 2012 at 10:05 pm
  13. ahh nvm tried pushing social pressure, its awesome. did some approaches after naturally, ill get back to u with further questions later

  14. warriah on September 12th, 2012 at 6:43 pm
  15. One thing I did the other day to control my social awkwardness was I walked into this little shop in Dubai, turned at the guy that was working behind the countrer, looked him straight in the eye, and said “I really like your store” like a complete dork. The ironic part was that he smiled and giggled at me. The other customer looked at me like I was a complete idiot. He judged me but I stopped giving a fuck because I amused myself.

    Another example was on Sunday. There were two people that came to where I work and they were just standing up against the wall side by side. One was a cute girl and the other was a black guy (I’m white). I asked him what his name was and it turned out that he has the same last name so I told him that he was my other brother from another mother in a serious straight face just to amuse myself. The cute chick was cracking up because I’m white, he’s black yet I’m saying we’re related. Then side stepped in front of the cute chick, shook her hand for an awkward amount of time and pierced her soul with the “I want to fuck you” eyes and she couldn’t stop smiling and looking away because she was blushing so bad. I don’t remember what I said after that but when I left and came back a few minutes later they were still giggling. I obviously made their day because I wasn’t the same boring person they see all day every day.

    Go out and practice socializing with people. Just go do off the wall shit to amuse yourself. That is the only way you are going to stop caring about what other people think of you.

  16. Korean Guy Drew on September 25th, 2012 at 4:06 pm
  17. Hey dude. A problem I have is how do I keep consistency long term and growth, yet not burn myself out?

    Because I can go out 1 day and just push push social pressure, and maybe attempt approaches. But its exhausting, because you need to walk around, and hot women dont come all the time.

    So Im thinkin approachin first hot chick I see in the day, and push 1 social pressure thing every day in the morning. Does that sound good?

  18. warriah on October 12th, 2012 at 12:55 pm
  19. I have read many pua articles on AA and this is by far the most motivating and seems the most logical for eliminating it. Cheers Sasha, get down under to do a bootcamp someday!

  20. Dionysus on October 14th, 2012 at 7:15 am
  21. Valuable details. Fortunate me I stumbled upon your site by possibility, and Now i’m shocked precisely why this chance didn’t took place in improve! I added it.

  22. film 2013 on November 6th, 2012 at 6:37 pm
  23. Great ideas man!

  24. Joey on August 14th, 2013 at 7:33 pm
  25. after being in the game for a while im coming to an understanding about why i started this journey. it really does take time to work on yourself. these articles make peoples lives better by showing them how they can grow and find out who they are, and come closer to being the best person they can be.

    as a general tip these articles actually can take a long time to properly sink in SO if you read any article and you connect with it THATS IMPORTANT !!!!!! even if you cant describe properly 100% why.

  26. Rod on October 14th, 2013 at 1:18 pm
  27. Hey bro – that’s a good point. Sometimes a thought or idea takes a while to germinate, but, ultimately all the information we take it does, on some level affect us.

    Glad you’re enjoying the articles ;)

    S

  28. Admin on November 3rd, 2013 at 4:38 pm

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