Having fun – the long term solution to successful gaming!
A student recently emailed me saying that he would always get thinking too much, or freeze up whenever he got into a conversation with an attractive girl. My answer prompted me to write this article. Please let me know what you guys think, and any ideas ya’ll might have!
There’s one key element that seems to missing from the lives of most of the guys I meet. It’s an element that’s so fundamental to our very existence – I find it truly amazing it could be missing from anyone’s game – and even more so, out of their lives. That element, my friends – is HAVING FUN!
That’s right…. Fun! Think back: It’s probably your earliest memory – and your best!
Your whole life revolved around it for probably 20 years or so from age 2 onwards. (0-2 you were likely having fun, but not on purpose as you were too busy pissing and shitting yourself!)
Heck – I’ve been going from age 2 to now…. And I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. So – the questions is – what’s happened that stops people from having fun? The answer is… life happened! That’s right! Making friends, getting into University, getting a job, earning the rent, getting debt, paying off debt, getting fired, buying a house, and so on and so forth.
What happened? Life happened.
And amazingly, having a good time (along with your libido) goes out the window! And even more amazingly – most people let it go!
Well I say, fuck that!
Every time I leave the house, my goal isn’t to pick up girls. I’ve got a life. My mission is to have fun while I’m living that life. My mindset when I leave the house is one of playful curiosity, and merriment. My goal, if any – is to entertain myself above all others. It’s not even a goal – it’s a way of being. It really is that simple. I’m out to enjoy myself. Whether out on my own, or with friends. Our goal is the pure amusement of our own group – and anyone else who decides to come along for the ride.
I’ve actually noticed that If I could out there with the attitude that I’m going to “pick up chicks” I usually don’t do as well as if I go out seeking to merely entertain myself. For a multitude of reasons you’re much more likely to have success if you’re going about your daily life and approaching only when you are truly compelled to do so.
First off, some women can tell if you’re an approach machine!
That’s right! If you head out specifically to “pick up” and approach lots of girls, you may indeed get into a pretty smooth chatty state. This can be advantageous, to a point. However, women can sense if this is something you do often. Also, they can feel if you’ve got a “goal” while chatting to them. On a couple of occasions I’ve had women ask “How often do you do this?” …. Though I’m sure many more women have thought this than have actually verbalized it.
Furthermore, I find that when I’m out with the goal of “picking up”, the quality of girls I approach goes down. This means, the passion and energy that I put into each interaction will also go down. Almost as if by magic, women can tell how interested in them a guy really is. If you’re just “going through the motions” they’ll know and dismiss you out of hand. I don’t know how they do it, but they do!
Most guys are too busy worrying whether they can “get somewhere” with the girls, that this usually gets in the way of having any success. If you change your goal to having fun instead of trying to get laid – you will actually massively increase your chances of both – and drastically reduce any nights you might look back on as unsuccessful. How can you ever not succeed if your goal was merely your own self amusement? How can you ever see any interaction as a rejection if you were only trying to spread the joy of “fun?”
Furthermore: If your goal is to have fun – YOU will never be rejected. It’s impossible for a woman to reject fun – and if she does, what the hell do you want with her anyways? By opening up with good natured humour, or sillyness; not only are you being completely original – you’ll find yourself hooking up with the kind of girl that you want! The beauty of my approach is, I’m automatically qualifying for the type of women I’m looking for! If I’m not funny to them – they’re not attractive to me!
So what do I do when I’m out there entertaining myself? Anything and everything
I’ll do silly shit. I’ll exaggerate, presume, misunderstand. I’ll joke, bump into – pretend steal. I’ll use cheesy pick up lines – flirt with men. I’ll accuse girls of hitting on me. Absolutely anything that’s ridiculous, outrageous, out of the ordinary. Now, I’m not saying this stuff is for anyone.
You may not necessarily want to scare the shit out of girls on the street, or pick them up and run off with them. Some of the stuff I get up to takes a fair bit of calibration. But, for starters, anyone can adopt a more playful attitude. Anyone can decide to be more spontaneous, to go against the boring flow of society. Here’s a few fun openers I use, for my own amusement.
“Excuse me – I just have to tell you, you’re the second cutest girl I’ve ever seen!”
“Hey – can you help me? I’m trying to find some girls that are as cute as you guys, but rich. I’m looking for a sugar mommy!”
“Hey… you look just like … my future ex wife. Shall we just get married and get this over with?
Can you see how these types of openers set up a fun frame straight away? There’s only 2 ways this interaction can go – it can be a good time, or you’ll get blown out straight away. Which is exactly what I want! I don’t want to waste time on girls that aren’t my type – the fun type!
I’ve got certain “Fun” based principles I’ve learned to follow inherently so as to increase my chances of meeting a fantastic girl. These are:
- Approach out of a genuine need to express yourself, and from a place of curiosity, fun, and love.
- Smile. Always be smiling when you approach anybody, for anything. This shows that you are friendly, having fun – and that you’re not a threat. This is a universal rule and applies to meeting all people, in all situations.
- Offer value in the form of fun. This can be a friendly chat, a well timed compliment – or an entertaining (or enlightening) story! I make girls smile because it makes me feel good…. Not because I want something from them!
- Assume everyone is friendly initially, and behave as such. If someone doesn’t want to chat, they’ll let you know.
- Don’t let the boring/serious girls that blow you out affect your state, or your belief system. Lots of girls out there aren’t up for a good time. It’s their loss, and has nothing to do with you. It’s better to screen for these girls early avoid them, than to try and with them over. Remember: For every 10 minutes you spend plowing on some girl you’re not really compatible with – is time you could have spent meeting a whole bunch of other women – one of whom could be exactly the type you’ve been looking for. Or even *gasp* … your future ex wife
A lot of advice given in the community is rubbish – but some of it gold. And one of those golden nuggets is this:
“Whatever was fun when you were a kid, is fun now”
That advice is pure 100% absolutely right! Bring back the child – bring back the fun. ENJOY YOURSELVES! And you’ll attract awesome girls!
I find the best strategy is to keep doing goofy stuff and having fun all the time. Having fun should be a automatic habit – like brushing your teeth (except, you should do it much more than twice a day!)
Staying in this mindset will insure that you’re always connecting with other like minded people throughout your day. That’s why I get silly right at the start of any interaction. If they aren’t up for it – it’s got nothing to do with me. It’s got to do with them not being connected to their inner child. I feel awfully sorry for these women. Some may never enjoy the best things life has got to offer – including sex! They’re the walking dead… and Sasha don’t fuck with zombies!
Fall in love with the process of being social. Just get out there and enjoy yourself. Make your mission to have a good time! Be selfish – give value! The rest will come…
Sometimes I find my statements of interest come across as too needy. Or maybe I just think they are needy…today I said “I want to talk more”. She responded she had to go do something, said to email her.
It seems with my game there is a fine line between being very emotional (which is good) and being too needy.
Any thoughts Yoda?
This is really nice stuff, Sasha. Thanks.
J
Sasha, I read a lot of materials, but I concluded you are the answer.
It’s a bit late but the workshop was amazing. You’re just unstoppable! Markus, you too my man!
Dear Sasha,
I just had to tell you THANK YOU!!! I was at the mall today with a friend and because of you I remembered to have fun with everything, and I was able to talk to multiple girls without fear of what could happen. Me and my friend went into most of the swimsuit stores and were just messing around asking girls if we should get a 1 piece or a 2 piece bikini. 99% of the girls we asked smiled and gave their opinion (obviously joking). But it was so much fun. I cannnot say thank you enough.
Heyy Thank YOU for the kinds words
…. yes, now the key is to carry this on for the rest of your living days. Don’t ever stop talking to people, having fun, making people feel good. That’s what life’s all about 
-Sasha
p.s – Any pics of you in the bikini??
Yoda my arse lol. ERrr Don’t be needy?
Instead of “I want to talk more” try “Shit, this is fun! I don’t want it to end! nooooo!!!” or “God, I love it when you meet someone and you actually can have a proper interesting conversation …. I wish I could just squeeze you into my pocket, and just whip you out whenever I need a good chat!”
you can show interest and have fun etc without being needy …… next time you say some needy shit ask yourself “How can i put across that emotion without coming across as a needy bastard?”
Keep doing it……
Also, read my article “The beggar’s frame” here:
http://www.sashapua.com/articles/the-beggars-frame.html
Hope that helps a bit?
-Sasha.
Yours is the 2nd best PUA blog I have ever seen
(Comment inspired from your opener)
Man, I’ve read multiple items such as David DeAngelo, Mystery and others, and I have to say that your style fits my personality much better. So I’ve got a problem. I’m good with the whole fun thing. I can talk to ANY girl (or person) and make them laugh pretty much instinctually whether they are 10s or not.I just have a problem making a move like I don’t really know how to transition into getting a date. I get numbers easily, but they’re hang-out numbers and not the “she’s interested” numbers.
Wazaup Thinh! Glad you like my style, and glad to hear you’re getting the laughs. That’s a big question and more than I can fully cover here… that being said…. (deep breath)
I’ve said this many, many times recently but I’ll say it again: Being funny is just a tiny aspect of all of this. It’s great to get a laugh or a smile initially – but after that being funny is going to hurt you more than help you. After you open with an emotional spike (which you’re doing) you need to get to know them, and let them know you LIKE them and are interested in them. Sounds to me like you’re not letting them know what you really want. Mode twooooo baby! heh… you know girls want to get laid too, right? They want sex, more than us. Are you with me? You make girls smile – i’m sure you’re a good guy… so why wouldn’t they want to sleep with you?
So – short answer to your question – accept that girls want to get pumped, stop being a pussy, and start telling women what you really want. “I like you because xyz….. ” … “Hey, you laugh at my stupid jokes – I that about you….” … after a couple of things like that “Damn, you have such a sexy laugh too… I gotta get to know you better. What do you say – this weekend – you,me, and sexy massages back at my place!”
Tell her she’s hot… and you want to get to know her, and THEN get her number…. so she knows what’s up
WTF are you worried about? They’ll reject you? OH NO! What will happen then?arrrghhhhh …..
Last thing to think about: Do you want to have lots of lots of female platonic friends? Or 2 or 3 women that you’re fucking?
Ah yea – thought so. Time to thin the herd buddy…..
Let me know how it goes and email me if you’re still strugglin
S
yooooooooooooooooooooo Sasha my man!!!!!!!!! you just hit the bottom line….I have personally seen this happen when many pua advice to open a minimum number of times per day/ say particaluar lines/ neg/ routines/ qualify/ disqualify/ and all that geekyyyyyyyy bullshit..one starts to doubt in his orignal self and becomes a emotional/mental slave to these gurus craving sex and not surprisingly…..HARDLY GETTING IT….leading to additional benefits of self-doubt/low self esteem and stress..and endless wanking off!!!!!
so I say…..FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!
When I am being just “MYSELF”….I feel liberated…happy…..funny…..feel like fooling around…and I doooo…with friends…strangers….parents…and girlsss…They smile…laugh…I smile and laugh and it spreads somme Fabulous vibes around.
I have fun, my soul is dancing around..my heart is full of childlike joy and I get smiles, numbers, dates and hugs…But Most Importantly…I AM HAVING THE MOST FUN AND I FUCKING LOVEEEEEEEEE THAT
The key is very simple: BE SPONTANEOUS AND BE THE JOKE
and you better agree to it Sasha LOLLL
This is an old post so not many people will see it, but here goes:
I completely agree with the ‘fun’ aspect. I’ve got a friend who is just like me (and you). We love to have fun, dick around, and make people laugh. He’s literally the only person who I can be hanging out with alone, and somehow some event happens or something is said that makes us laugh uncontrollably, to the point we can’t breathe and are in tears.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I am always on my game with the ladies when I’m with him. We don’t worry about getting laid, we worry about having a good time.
I was lucky enough to take a road trip with him from Detroit to San Diego last summer and more good times were had then ever. This lead to awesome conversations with strangers (not just woman either) and one of the best times of my life. So yeah, definitely focus on having fun. It works!
There was a heatwave here in MI this past summer. It had to be near 100 degrees. My friend and I had the bright idea to buy some mini squirt guns, go to the outdoor mall and spray hott chicks as they walked by. Some of our other friends thought we were crazy, that girls would flip out on us and bitch us out…
Wrong… The energy he and I give off when we are together is contagious. There’s a sense of fun in the air. When we sprayed the hott girls as they walked by we didn’t get a single negative reaction. Just lots of laughs, and a couple of girls trying to wrestle the guns out of our hands and squirt us back.
Squirt guns are BOSS !!!
What do you think about using the “time opener”? e.g Me: “Hey, sorry to bother you, but would you have the time”? GIrl: “Yes, it’s quarter past 3″ Me: “Thanks, by the way you look really nice today.” Girl: “Thank you.” Me: “I’m John (extend my hand)” Girl: “I’m Gemma.” Me: “My cousin’s name was Gemma haha” Girl: “Oh really?” Me: “Yeah, she was a bit crazy, one time she…..[insert memorised story] …….. Is there anything you would change to increase my chances of success?
The time opener does work (9/10 were number closes), however I think the weakest point is when i say my name and extend my hand, because she has all the power. I have noticed girls sometimes hesitating to shake hands with me, but everything else works like a gem. That’s why now instead of stretching out my hand, I simply ask, “Are you from here or: “that’s a cool accent…are you from here,” (if I’m in another english-speaking country)?”
I’ve also noticed that girls feel a little more at ease because they feel they aren’t getting hit on, so I’ve made another canned opener, (so fucking many right? xD), and it goes a little like this:
Me: Hey there, can you do me a favor? Girl: Yeah, depends what it is. Me: I’m doing this 30 day challenge thing, where I have to get at least 3 strangers to hug me, each day, for thirty days. So you’re the lucky one. So are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna give me a hug?”
Girl: “Ok [hugs]” Me: Alright, are you from here?”
The only shit thing about that one above is if she says “no” to the hug. But I usually just say, “Why not? Don’t you like me? (in a playful tone) or do you just not like hugging strangers?”
Once again, is there anything I can do to improve my success?
THANKSSSSSSSS BUDDYYY xD lol
Miguel: You’re a fag.
Still love ya though
yeahhhhhh