A student recently emailed me saying that he would always get thinking too much, or freeze up whenever he got into a conversation with an attractive girl. My answer prompted me to write this article. Please let me know what you guys think, and any ideas ya’ll might have!
There’s one key element that seems to missing from the lives of most of the guys I meet. It’s an element that’s so fundamental to our very existence – I find it truly amazing it could be missing from anyone’s game – and even more so, out of their lives. That element, my friends – is HAVING FUN!
That’s right…. Fun! Think back: It’s probably your earliest memory – and your best!
Your whole life revolved around it for probably 20 years or so from age 2 onwards. (0-2 you were likely having fun, but not on purpose as you were too busy pissing and shitting yourself!)
Heck – I’ve been going from age 2 to now…. And I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. So – the questions is – what’s happened that stops people from having fun? The answer is… life happened! That’s right! Making friends, getting into University, getting a job, earning the rent, getting debt, paying off debt, getting fired, buying a house, and so on and so forth.
What happened? Life happened.
And amazingly, having a good time (along with your libido) goes out the window! And even more amazingly – most people let it go!
Well I say, fuck that!
Every time I leave the house, my goal isn’t to pick up girls. I’ve got a life. My mission is to have fun while I’m living that life. My mindset when I leave the house is one of playful curiosity, and merriment. My goal, if any – is to entertain myself above all others. It’s not even a goal – it’s a way of being. It really is that simple. I’m out to enjoy myself. Whether out on my own, or with friends. Our goal is the pure amusement of our own group – and anyone else who decides to come along for the ride.
I’ve actually noticed that If I could out there with the attitude that I’m going to “pick up chicks” I usually don’t do as well as if I go out seeking to merely entertain myself. For a multitude of reasons you’re much more likely to have success if you’re going about your daily life and approaching only when you are truly compelled to do so.
First off, some women can tell if you’re an approach machine!
That’s right! If you head out specifically to “pick up” and approach lots of girls, you may indeed get into a pretty smooth chatty state. This can be advantageous, to a point. However, women can sense if this is something you do often. Also, they can feel if you’ve got a “goal” while chatting to them. On a couple of occasions I’ve had women ask “How often do you do this?” …. Though I’m sure many more women have thought this than have actually verbalized it.
Furthermore, I find that when I’m out with the goal of “picking up”, the quality of girls I approach goes down. This means, the passion and energy that I put into each interaction will also go down. Almost as if by magic, women can tell how interested in them a guy really is. If you’re just “going through the motions” they’ll know and dismiss you out of hand. I don’t know how they do it, but they do!
Most guys are too busy worrying whether they can “get somewhere” with the girls, that this usually gets in the way of having any success. If you change your goal to having fun instead of trying to get laid – you will actually massively increase your chances of both – and drastically reduce any nights you might look back on as unsuccessful. How can you ever not succeed if your goal was merely your own self amusement? How can you ever see any interaction as a rejection if you were only trying to spread the joy of “fun?”
Furthermore: If your goal is to have fun – YOU will never be rejected. It’s impossible for a woman to reject fun – and if she does, what the hell do you want with her anyways? By opening up with good natured humour, or sillyness; not only are you being completely original – you’ll find yourself hooking up with the kind of girl that you want! The beauty of my approach is, I’m automatically qualifying for the type of women I’m looking for! If I’m not funny to them – they’re not attractive to me!
So what do I do when I’m out there entertaining myself? Anything and everything
I’ll do silly shit. I’ll exaggerate, presume, misunderstand. I’ll joke, bump into – pretend steal. I’ll use cheesy pick up lines – flirt with men. I’ll accuse girls of hitting on me. Absolutely anything that’s ridiculous, outrageous, out of the ordinary. Now, I’m not saying this stuff is for anyone.
You may not necessarily want to scare the shit out of girls on the street, or pick them up and run off with them. Some of the stuff I get up to takes a fair bit of calibration. But, for starters, anyone can adopt a more playful attitude. Anyone can decide to be more spontaneous, to go against the boring flow of society. Here’s a few fun openers I use, for my own amusement.
“Excuse me – I just have to tell you, you’re the second cutest girl I’ve ever seen!”
“Hey – can you help me? I’m trying to find some girls that are as cute as you guys, but rich. I’m looking for a sugar mommy!”
“Hey… you look just like … my future ex wife. Shall we just get married and get this over with?
Can you see how these types of openers set up a fun frame straight away? There’s only 2 ways this interaction can go – it can be a good time, or you’ll get blown out straight away. Which is exactly what I want! I don’t want to waste time on girls that aren’t my type – the fun type!
I’ve got certain “Fun” based principles I’ve learned to follow inherently so as to increase my chances of meeting a fantastic girl. These are:
- Approach out of a genuine need to express yourself, and from a place of curiosity, fun, and love.
- Smile. Always be smiling when you approach anybody, for anything. This shows that you are friendly, having fun – and that you’re not a threat. This is a universal rule and applies to meeting all people, in all situations.
- Offer value in the form of fun. This can be a friendly chat, a well timed compliment – or an entertaining (or enlightening) story! I make girls smile because it makes me feel good…. Not because I want something from them!
- Assume everyone is friendly initially, and behave as such. If someone doesn’t want to chat, they’ll let you know.
- Don’t let the boring/serious girls that blow you out affect your state, or your belief system. Lots of girls out there aren’t up for a good time. It’s their loss, and has nothing to do with you. It’s better to screen for these girls early avoid them, than to try and with them over. Remember: For every 10 minutes you spend plowing on some girl you’re not really compatible with – is time you could have spent meeting a whole bunch of other women – one of whom could be exactly the type you’ve been looking for. Or even *gasp* … your future ex wife
A lot of advice given in the community is rubbish – but some of it gold. And one of those golden nuggets is this:
“Whatever was fun when you were a kid, is fun now”
That advice is pure 100% absolutely right! Bring back the child – bring back the fun. ENJOY YOURSELVES! And you’ll attract awesome girls!
I find the best strategy is to keep doing goofy stuff and having fun all the time. Having fun should be a automatic habit – like brushing your teeth (except, you should do it much more than twice a day!)
Staying in this mindset will insure that you’re always connecting with other like minded people throughout your day. That’s why I get silly right at the start of any interaction. If they aren’t up for it – it’s got nothing to do with me. It’s got to do with them not being connected to their inner child. I feel awfully sorry for these women. Some may never enjoy the best things life has got to offer – including sex! They’re the walking dead… and Sasha don’t fuck with zombies!
Fall in love with the process of being social. Just get out there and enjoy yourself. Make your mission to have a good time! Be selfish – give value! The rest will come…