Alright, so this little article i’m writing because my understanding of human relations has deepened over the course of the last couple of weeks. I’ve spend some time with a fellow called Jason who’s developed his own type of system of… unfenced relationships. I was going to say “polyamoury” but, that’s not quite the right word for what i’m about to describe here. Some of the PUA’s out there know Jason already. He’s been around a while. Not sure he even has a PU name… so I’ll just call him MLTR Jason!
For those of you that have been following my wee blog for a while, know that about 2 years ago I spend some time with a fellow called Johnny Soporno. He’s a great guy, and taught me a whole shitload about polyamoury/open relationships, etc. If you don’t know Johnny, google him and watch his vids. They are quality.
Anyways -though I have made some progress on my own in pursuit of multiple open relationships since my education with Mr. Soporno, I always had a couple of sticking points. I was still kind of jealous, and also I couldn’t get around the whole “what if you love a chick” type o deal. Johnny said his girls needed to have other lovers, which sort of assumed the man (I.E me) would have other lovers. Finally, after my conversations with Jason my fundamental gap of understanding has been filled. Also, I realize that my final sticking point at this period of my development is, I still see women as property – just like everyone else does in the “normal” system.
So, instead of explaining what was missing, let me explain the system which Jason has explained to me. After you, my dear reader, have a firm grasp on the concepts he has imparted on me, you will quickly understand what I have now (seemingly) made peace with. Here goes:
Essentially, all relationships are either fenced or unfenced. Fenced means there’s a fence. I.E – You cannot see/date/sleep with other people. Period. Unfenced means, you can see/date/sleep with other people. So, you can be dating an unlimited number of people who are all in an unfenced relationshop with you – some of whom could (in theory) but in fenced relationships with others. But, then, they’d be cheating. Jason’s view in this situation is that this would be they’re problem and has nothing to do with him – he only does unfenced relationships, and is therfore is not keeping any women away from anybody. If a woman enters a fenced relationship, that is her choice – not his.
So – my big problem was this: What if I really love a girl. I don’t want her having sex with other guys! Shit, I don’t even want to have other women when i’m crazy about a girl. When I was with the Greek, I really had no desire to sleep with other girls. I was completely satisfied in that area. So my confusion was kind of multi fascetted. See, johnny said one of his rules was that all of his girlfriends had to be seeing at least one other lover. Well, what if they didn’t want another lover? Surely by insisting they have another that would be implying that I, myself, would also have to other lovers. But – what if (for a given period) I really didn’t want one. And if the girl didn’t? Should I force her to go out there and find other male companionship?
See, I felt myself falling into a kind of boyfriend/girlfirend zone with the greek, which was confusing me because I was trying to have a type of open/polyamours thing happening. But, that’s not what I was feeling. I was feeling – love. I love the Greek. I loved her then, and I still love her now. I found it difficult to love her, yet be a “pua” and be “polyamourous” and see other girls. It’s like I was forcing myself to see other girls just because I “should.” What the fuck is that? I “should” do whatever it is that makes me happy. That’s the only thing any of us should do. And what made me happy? Being with the Greek. She made me happy.
So- here’s what i’m leading up to: Jason explained to me that – just because you’re in an unfenced relationship doesn’t mean you have to exercise the option of sleeping with other women. That’s all it is – an option. You can be in an unfenced relationship with a woman, and be sleeeping only with her if that’s what you want to do. It’s just, you’re doing so without a fence. The option is there if you want to exercise it.
When he told me that part, I was like “Ahhhhh……”
It’s like I was…. my eyes just opened. It made sense. What the fuck was I thinking??? it seems really obvious now…but that never actually occurred to me. To me, polyamoury meant, necessarily dating multiple women at the dame time, (ha, that was a genuine spelling mistake, but i’m keeping it in there!) at all times. Well, with sex 3.0 – you don’t have to!
Alright, so … i’m going to try and share the core principles of sex 3.0 as best as I can remember them from my conversations with Jason.
So, the critical thing with “fenced” or “unfenced” is that you have to pick one or the other in the beginning of every relationship. Once you’ve picked, you can’t mix and match. At all. Ever. That is the key. Now, Jason isn’t saying that “unfenced” is necessarily better than fenced, or that there’s anything wrong with fenced. He’s happy to let people have fenced relationships. The point he’s making is that mixing the two is going to lead to the destruction of your relationship.
Next point: (and this is something that he explains to women, very clearly) is that all fenced relationships essentially follow the same 5 step pattern. It goes loosely like this:
Boy meets Girlfriend
Girl and boy realize they have a cool connection
boy and girl spend lots of time together and become infatuated with each other (this is called the “honeymoon period”
jealousy or possessiveness rears it’s ugly head
boy and girl break up, and never talk to each other again. Cool connection is lost
So, if you think about, pretty much the vast majority of standard “couples” (I.e – fenced relationships) this is exactly the pattern they follow. Whether it be, girl is jealous of guy doing whatever/talking to other girls – or the guy “cheats” (yes, you may take notice my implied allignment by my clever use of quotation marks) … or the girl flirts/talks to other guys, guy becomes jealous/controlling/possesive (sometimes resulting in violence – or worse) and the girl runs away from the guy.
As far as I can tell (and please, dear readers, correct me (and Jason) if we’re wrong – but this is the pattern that seems to flow for virtually all fenced relationships. Obviously, there are exceptions. There are some couples who’ve been together for like 50 years. But, those are the exception, not the rule. As Jason explained to me – it’s maddness to use those rare examples as a yardstick by which to measure our own “success.” Much of this type of measuring falls into the concept of “relationship duress” which Is another fascinating sex 3.0 concept I may or may not get into later.
So – recognizing that all relationships do, in fact, follow this 5 step sequence – we can assume that once enlightened by our new understanding of this fatal (yet commonly practised) protocol, the objects of our desire (that’s right – the HB’s!) would want to avoid this destructive pattern at all costs. So, you can see the importance of showing clearly to our beloved prospects the dangers of this 5 step descent into hell. (ok, I Jason didn’t refer to it as that. That’s my own creative use of language).
Alright I don’t want to give away his whole system before he writes his book. So just a couple of concepts:
“relationship duress” – these are the pressure people put on you that stem from “the system”
So, say you’re around 30 (which I am) … people say to you “hey, it’s it about time you settled down and has some kids?”
Why would people even say that? That’s a retarded thing to say to anybody. They’re saying it because part of the societal programming (at least, in the west” says by the time you’re 30, you are supposed to get married and have kids. That’s normal. In fact, i’ve met 16 year old girls who have told me that’s their plan. Get married when they are 30. What the fuck does a 16 year old kid know about what he/she is going to want to do when they are TWICE their current age? It makes no sense. It makes even less sense for there to be any such kind of rules to dictate to us how we should live our lives. All people are individuals. We’re all different an want and need different things. So it’s really quite absured someone you’ve never met/don’t really know would tell you it’s about “time” you “settled down” …. WTF ???
Another example would be, after you get married: people saying to you “you should’t do XYW – you’re a married man!”
Example for women – say a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend, her friends telling her “hey, you shouldn’t sleep around. You don’t want people to think you’re easy! You should get yourself a boyfriend” etc etc.
Basically anytime anyone tells you you “should” do anything (that doesn’t really know you) it’s coming from the brainwashing they got from “society” and it’s therefore relationship duress.
Jason also has some awesome shit about sex 1.0, 2.0 (“normal relationships”) and Sex 3.0 (unfenced relationships) …. and about how unfenced relationships are actually in line with nature, while fenced relationships are alligned with “normal” … but i’m not typing any more!
If enough of you guys are excited about this, I’ll stop being lazy and upload the audio of my convo with Jason…. Depends on how many comments there are
I’m pretty sure this is the best thing since sliced chicken…but as Chinese wiseman say – We’ll see!
Oh yeah – you can find Jason’s fan page on facebook here ! … The more of you become fans, the sooner he’ll be motivated to write the book. I’m really looking forward to it myself!!
Super AA guy did his first ever direct approach, and got the number! Boooom!
His one month goal was to be able to come up to a woman and say she has a sexy ass… well it’s been just over a week, and he managed to approach a girl, tell her she’s cute and get her number… so I think next session we’ll hit his month goal! SICK!
I filmed him (using his own iPhone) straight after… video says it all really. It was a good day! If he can do it, ANY OF YOU CAN. Believe me. He was shitting himself. Haha.
Anybody want to gamble on how long till he gets laid? I’m going to go: 2 to 3 weeks ish…….
For information on Super AA guys PUA journey (which is epic) you can find his blog here.
I’m teaching this guy now with Super Approach Anxiety.
What’s funny is… he’s like a really nice/cool/funny guy, who’s good looking and has it pretty much together. But massive amounts of approach anxiety! Even asking another man for directions is too much. When I tried to get him to do some of the social pressure games, he almost had a heart attack! Session 2, he spend about 45 minutes shitting himself. Literally.
Me and Marcus have about a 95% cure rate for approach anxiety… the shit we’ve come up with is pretty fucking amazing… and yet here and there, we find someone we can’t cure. Over the years we’ve gotten to a point of almost completely being able to wipe out approach anxiety in almost all cases.
Almost.
Anywho, we’re always planning and scheming how to cure the hard cases… I’m actually looking forward to curing this motherfucker.
Anyways, I told him to start a blog to chronicle his journey. I thought some of you, my legions and legions of loyal readers (yes, BOTH of you) could check out his blog, maybe give him a bit of encouragement? He’s actually a pretty good writer, I enjoyed reading it! He’s just done his 3rd post… but it all starts off with post number one here.
Who knows, maybe he’ll be the next Sasha?
So have a look, and leave the guy a kind word or two. His name is David and the blog is here.
Went to Yoga. It was nice. After that me and my buddy (animal guy) were walking down the street and this little hottie all dressed in black was just crossing the street. I was like “Excuse me…..” and right away I know it’s on. That fucking quick. She’s just all smiley and shit. I did the usual, said she was hot and just had a bit of a chit chat. She said she was just out for a walk, not doing anything in particular! My god she was asking for it. I have to go home and WORK on the DDS launch for fuck’s sake. ARGHHHH… But still, I get her on an instant date! Had coffee.. This girl was kinda shy… To get her to talk…. I had to use – that’s right – the question game, baby! I’ve said it before, but once again – it works every time. The ONLY gamey thing I do.
Pretty soon, I know everything about her I need to know. Everything. If I see her again, it’s overrrrrrrrrrr. O-V-E-R. I think
This girl – check this – she’s only been “chatted up” twice in the last YEAR. And that’s including me. WTF!? And I’m not kidding, she’s really cute. Weird.
Anywho: Off to the gym. Coming back, it’s pretty late. I’m just about at my house… and guess what?? Yes. Smoking hot Oriental girl walking down the street. Now, there’s no one else around. It’s late. I’m on a bike. I know the %chance of success is much lower than normal. In my mind, I accept this, turn around and open.
I pull up next to her – Big smile. “Hey! I know this is a bit random… I was just coming home from the gym (I point to my shorts) and I live right over there… and I saw you as I cycled past you and I thought “this girl is just waaaaay too cute not to talk to. So… hi!”
She beams with a massive smile.
As per my usual, I just can’t be fucked to waste any time. I say to her “You’re too cute to be single. You must have a boyfriend right?”
She says “Nope, I don’t have one!”
Note: Many “PUA” types would say I’m crazy for even asking them. To a degree they are right, and you will get more pussy not asking. Me: fuck it. I don’t bang chicks with BF’s, and I don’t want to invest time and find out there’s a BF later, so I just find out immediately. Furthermore, it’s very complimentary to just assume girls have one. Right? so that’s how I roll.
Anywho after this is was just a bit of comfort (She’s from Thailand, been here a year, studying English, lives around the corner from me.) Bit of flirting. I ask her if she wants to come up for some tea, but she has to study for an exam tomorrow. I have her call my phone and she agrees to meet up soon. I give her a big hug.
She was so fucking hot. Oh – she was my age! Though she looked 19. Seriously. Unreal.
UNREAL!!!
Fuck man. I had ZERO INTENTION of meeting any women today. ZERO. I don’t actually have time for dates this month with the Direct Dating Summit DVD launch coming up!
Good bye Cajun! That’s right. My ooooooooooo’l buddy Cajun was staying over with me for the last 5 days. For those of you who aren’t aware, my fated meeting with Cajun on a bus in 2006 dramatically changed my life forever. We dicked around a bit, have some interesting chats about the nature of the universe and stuff. He’s a thinker you know. Sure, he looks like a pothead. But he’s a thinker. We did take a couple of funny pics. Shit, I just realized I never put up the freaking images of the LAST time he came round in November!!! FUCK!! I’m lazy, but if you gus harass me to put shit up, I’ll do it hehe
ALright here’s the pics (from this trip)
Gangsters:
Gheyness:
Cajun felt shit so didn’t make it to my comedy last night, which sucked.
We met up with my ol’ pal Keychain as well, got some food and then went back and chilled at Keychain’s house for a bit. I’d never hung out with both of them at once before, it was cool! They are both really awesome dudes! I won’t see Cajun for a while now, but his crazy spirit is always with me. In a heterosexual way.
You know what’s funny: All of game can be eliminated entirely, and you can have plenty of success too… And all you have to do is be completely honest. With yourself. With women. Completely honest. If you’re talking to a woman and you only just want to fuck her, tell her that. If you think she’s cool and you’d like to get to know her – tell her that! Nothing can ever go wrong if you just tell people what you want. They’ll either reciprocate or they won’t. The whole seduction industry is based around not being honest. Hiding your intentions so maybe increase your chances of getting laid. What the fuck? Even if in some cases it DID increase your chances of getting laid – why do it anyways? You’re going to lie just to have a slightly better shot at getting pussy? So even if you get the pussy: a) You’re a liar and b) You’re going to lose the pussy anyways when she finds out you’re a liar.
What’s the point? The irony is, you’ll get way more action just being up front anyways, and it will save you tons of frustration. When will they see? I just keep having these kind of thoughts, compulsively, because I’m watching this footage. I really want to get the Direct Dating Summit out to the world. I think it’s gonna fuck some shit up!
Today was a crazy day. Not only did I move into my new flat in central London – I had a nice interaction with a Grade A Celebrity!
Whilst grocery shopping, for the first time in the area, I picked up a pretty hot black girl. She had an amazing ass… A friend and I were in Waitrose, and he pointed her out. I said “yeah she’s not bad, she’s got a great ass” and he said “tell her” so I came up to her and said “hey… you’ve got a GREAT ass!” and she was like “hey, I work on it!” … then we chatted for a while and she was pretty cool. Great vibe. I told her we’re having a housewarming and that she should come. Just before I left her I said “hey, you better tell me if you’re single so I can let my friends know whether they can hit on you” and she said “let them try” … heh.
After that we’re walking down the street and I see this woman who looks suspiciously like Helena Bonham Carter. I said that to my friend, but he was like “that IS her!!!”
So I approached and I was like “hey, this isn’t a chat up line or anything but… you look just like this actress! … we spoke few minutes. She loved me, of course. She recommended a good cheese shop in the neighborhood and we just had some good banter. I was like “Hey I’m a comic, showbiz baby!” and she’s like “We do try!” … She asked who I was etc and I gave her a flyer for my comedy show. I got some nice pics of us…… but in retrospect I should have gone for her number! She was cool! How random. I got a pic of her, one of us together, and one of her kissing me (my cheek – she’s a married woman!)
Funny how the stuff I do on all woman works just as well on a celeb. Women are women I guess, Eh? She’s only human.
Today was fun – was out teaching. My students were really in good form. They didn’t need me by the end, were just running after ladies. One guy got 4 numbers. After I was done I was walking along with a friend, and just HAD to approach this stunner. I mean, she was hot. Best approach in many days. Lovely girl!
What I wanted to write about was this however.
Two days ago I did some approaches while we were filming, for the sake of it. I didn’t have my contact lenses in so I was squinting and couldn’t really tell if the girls were hot. It feels terrible to be talking to a girl you’re not into. We’re filming, so I’m like “Let’s see how direct I can be with this girl”. And it’s just brutal when you’re not feeling her. It just re-illustrated to me how important it is to be genuine in any approach. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it.
I know it’s an obvious point, but I just want to really emphasize
DON’T DIRECTLY APPROACH WOMEN YOU DON’T REALLY LIKE!
It’s better to do zero approaches, than a few ones where you feel nothing for the girl – because talking to boring girls I’m not attracted to actually ruins my vibe and whole experience. Ruins it.
I’m not saying don’t talk to anyone! No – be social, be friendly. But don’t go direct on women you don’t really like, it’s like punching yourself in the teeth.
If you don’t really, really want to go and approach a woman – don’t do it. It steals your mojo!
The other day I had a couple of really smooth ass interactions with women. Now – nothing really exciting happened. I strolled up to this woman at a bus stop (I was on my bike) and said “Hey, want a lift?” … she giggles. I tell her she’s hot and I make one other clever remark. She says “You’re fun, let me get your number” … I have her miss call me and she says this weeks crazy but next week we have to hang out. I say cool, give her a kiss on the cheek and I cycle away.
Nothing much happened – but really – everything that needed to happen did. I realized there are really just three ingredients to a successful interaction. They are
1) Opening with an emotional spike
2) Having a fun/positive vibe about you
3) Showing your interest/intent
That’s it, Jack.
You can add other stuff into there, but none of it is absolutely necessary. Like comfort – sure, that may increase the chance you’ll see her again –but you can get away without it. However, without those top three ingredients, you’re just going to have a much smaller chance of success
Ask any experienced dating expert (who’s actually spent time in field) and he’ll tell you the first few seconds of an interaction are the most critical. If you don’t grab her attention, you’re finished. It doesn’t have to even be a compliment. It doesn’t even have to be positive. You can tell her she’s ugly if you like (that’s just not my style). Any emotional spike will do. It is possible to open successful without this – but your chances of hooking the interaction into a conversation are something like 500% higher if you have an emotional spike. I’m not exaggerating here – it’s 5x or more difference I’m talking about here.
Now – having a fun/positive vibe. Nothing sucks them in faster than this. The only situation I’d say you don’t have to have this, is if you’re doing ultra direct game. I’m experimenting with it now, and it has it’s merits. However, my default style is just Mr fun/positive guy. And with most girls, this is probably going to get their interest the fastest. How many girls aren’t interested in getting to know a really positive, interesting, fun person? Few, very few. Now if you’re coming in super direct – how many girls aren’t interested in agreeing to have sex quite fast with someone they don’t know? Shitloads. This brings me to my next point however:
Showing interest. This is the money shot. Listen, you can open great, and have a great fun vibe. But ultimately, if she doesn’t know you’re interested in her – forget about it. Now, I didn’t say intent – as in sexual intent. If you’re doing direct stuff, this is critical yes. But if you’re just having a conversation, being cool and chatting away – you have to show interest in her! For me – I’ve been always showing sexual interest. Always. That’s how I roll. It’s up to you if you’re doing direct/indirect stuff but….. you have to let them know you’re interested in pursuing something.
The interesting thing with this formula is that it can easily be altered for direct, or indirect game
1) Open with emotional spike – Always for both
2) Have a fun/positive vibe – this can be reduced for really direct stuff – but you can still be fun and direct, as I’ve proved over the last couple of years
3) Showing intent – like I said. Indirect: Be interested in her. Direct: Be interested in her, and flirt more. Tell her she’s hot. Or, pull an Alan Roger Currie and tell her you want to bone the shit out of her. Either way, interest must be showed!
This is a simple post which I will possibly expand on soon. I wanted to write this down quick, as I’ve got a girl in the bathroom I’m about to watch a western movie with. Good times!
It occurs to me that I’ve been doing something that may in fact (at this point) be hurting my game.
I’m starting to think that you shouldn’t ask about their boyfriend if you only wanna fuck!
It may just be counter productive. Not because it reminds her she has one, and stops her from taking things forward with you. That too – but I never go for women with boyfriends so … that’s not what I’m talking about. What I mean is – when you ask whether or not they have a boyfriend (Whether it be as simple as “Do you have a boyfriend”) … or my classic “How many boyfriends do you have” question – you’re implying that this is the position you’re going for. This can be bad, especially if you’re just interesting in going to bed with the woman.
First off – lots of women don’t want a boyfriend. Many women (just like us) just want to hookup and have fun. Loads of them. Even the ones that pretend they’re not doing that – they’re doing that. So as soon as you give the impression you may be interested in being their boyfriend – you’re going to put some women off. Period. That’s it. They’re not interested anymore.
Also, it’s a bit needy coming in from the “I wanna be your boyfriend” frame anyways. You don’t even know her, what the fuck are you doing asking if she has a boyfriend? You wanna be her boyfriend after 2 minutes? That’s gay. Gay gay gay.
Also – what about all the grey area situations where she’s seeing someone, or is just sleeping with her ex, or just started dating someone? She may not want to say “I’m banging my ex” so she’ll just say “yea I have one” … then you’re fucked. It just puts you in an awkward position. Some girls also just see it as low value to not have a boyfriend, so they’ll say they have one even when they don’t. But once she tells you that – what are you going to do now? If you try and bone her – you look like a dick. Even if she doesn’t REALLY have one – you look like a dick. You’re just working against yourself even asking the question.
So, if you are approaching a woman you find attractive, and all you know is that you want to sleep with her – you should let her know exactly that. That’s REAL direct game – That’s the point of direct. Let her know you’re interested in her, sexually. BOOM!
That doesn’t mean you have to say “I want fuck you” to every girl you meet – as the opener. You don’t have to say that at all, as indeed it may be too much for some. But you have to make it abundantly clear you’re after sex. SEX SEX SEX.
Not friends.
Not “A boyfriend/girlfriend monogamous relationship”
SEX!
If she’s in a committed relationship she’ll let you know. Even if she is, and you’ve made it REALLY clear what you’re after – there’s a chance you’ll be hearing from here again. Why? Because when she wants to get laid by someone new, you’ll pop into her head. She may know a lot of guys – but how many have actually made it SUPER clear they want to sleep with her? Probably very few.
If she brings up a boyfriend – then you may behave accordingly based your moral system (if any)
A couple of ways I’ve put my intend across recently have been:
“Yeah, after one night with me, you won’t forget me, that’s for sure”
“We should get together and exchange orgasms. It’s win win!”
“I just want to spend some quality nekked time with you.”
“Let me be clear, I don’t wanna be your boyfriend. I just want to get into your pants!”
And of course, the key is NOT to be “entertaining” when you put this shit across. Direct is not the time for jokes. I know – it’s not easy for me either! I’ll still be funny when I’m hitting on a woman overall sometimes – it’s part of my charm. But at the moment where I actually make it really clear I want to sleep with a girl (for the FIRST time) I say it seriously so she knows I’m not mucking about! I want them laughing because of the tension of how direct I am – not because I’m being “entertaining!”
For newer guys who just need to start getting sexual in conversations – go ahead and keep using “How many boyfriends” as it’s good and let’s ‘em know you’re interested. Further on in your development, I’m thinking it’s better not. I’m going to drop it from my conversations and see what happens…
